two biscuits permissions bot

You might remember this viral two biscuits episode from the depths of lockdown.

Sky News editor Deborah Haynes was busy telling us about something currently going on in the world (I don’t think anyone can remember exactly what), when she was suddenly interrupted by her young son, asking for her permission to eat two whole biscuits.

The news, of course, was derailed; and we might never find out what happened in the end of whichever story it was she was talking about in the first place.

She was also cut rather abruptly short by whatever the name of the bloke is who was anchoring the program, which a lot of us felt was a bit uncalled for.

I immediately knew that something like this must never be allowed to happen again.

The people behind the scenes at Sky News cannot be put in a position where they have to choose between giving viewers the news they desperately crave, and allowing a small child to starve to death.

solution: the biscuits permissions bot

That night, I set to work building a Twitter bot which would entirely automate the process of children asking their parents’ permission for biscuits.

All Britain’s youth have to do now is tweet @two_biscuits with their request. After weighty consideration, the bot will come down on one side or the other.

At the same time, parents everywhere will be liberated: Not only will they have additional time to get on with important items of business in their daily lives, but they can do so safe in the knowledge that their children are not going hungry.

Note: Recently, the platform where the bot that powered @two_biscuits was hosted decided to remove their free pricing tier. As much as I loved this Twitter account, it probably wasn’t worth paying £8 a month for, so it’s currently out of action.

Please don’t tweet asking for biscuits, because your request will be denied. Speak to a grownup instead.